In this installment (the first of five) I’ll continue with the strategies and tactics of great communicators, persuaders, and negotiators and interrogators, by bringing you a PBS interview that I did on my books The Language of Parenting: Building Great Family Relationships At All Ages and Einstein’s Business. In the first book, I examined how these strategies are used in the family context. In my chapter in Einstein’s Business I applied the skills to business.
The reason that many of these strategies are so successful, is that I have chosen to present communications skills based largely on human biology. These work because they utilize the natural way that we process various types of communications.
But you don’t have to take my word for it……you can………………
See, did you feel a little curiosity? You can do that even more profoundly with your voice.
Want another example? What happens if I say “Don’t think of a big fat opera singer?” well? What happened?
If you’d like to get more tips, tools and resources to make you a better communicator, persuader, negotiator, spouse, partner, or parent, then follow me on Twitter (Dave on Twitter) or become a friend on Facebook.
Enjoy the interview and ignore the very long tie. It’s the content that matters.
After you watch, leave a comment below or ask questions and I’ll be sure to address them in future posts.
In this video I’m describing an easy to use and multi-purpose “enhanced business card” that I use for a variety of important reasons.
It can stand alone on the table in front of each audience member when I speak or even if I’m not speaking, it helps to make me more memorable. It’s different. It builds interest, trust and credibility. The card contains a quick summary of my content so people always remember me, how to contact me, and to use what I teach.
The card also has a place for notes, and I instruct the audience, as we go to not the biggest breakthroughs, ideas, and “ahhh ha!” moments, or things that they learned and that they want to implement as soon as they get back to the office. This note section makes it almost impossible for someone to throw away and there you are, associated with their goals, and the most important ways that they want to use the information you taught.
This particular version also uses a series of questions to stimulate the reader: How would your life be Better? Richer? Different? if you had the keys to Enhanced Communications (TM)? (That is the topic I’m teaching when I use these cards. But, I also teach persuasion skills, leadership and negotiations depending on the audience. So I have a card customized to each topic.
Speaking to seminars, conferences and conventions is a great way to promote your business. But, even if you never speak, this type of “enhanced business card” is a keeper. You can hand write a note in the notes section reminding the person where you met and what they are going to do. There are hundreds of ways to use this card and it makes you more memorable, it builds interest and it makes you and authority on your topic and helps you to build trust.
Think about it.
I’m also going to be giving away a few great books. So watch the video. The best topic comments, and ideas from you over the next few weeks will win the books so make sure to share ideas, or post a comment. If you win, we’ll email you for your address and ship you your prize. Thanks and be well.
also, remember to follow me on Twitter for the earliest look at my marketing, business, and communications skills ideas and information.
In 2007 I lost 33 pounds (of weight - not money as in the Pound Sterling).
And, I have kept that weight off for all of 2008 (except for five pounds which I recently gained back - more on that later). It took several months to lose that much weight. But it took me four years of “trying” before it started to work - during which time I actually gained fifteen more pounds (yeah the weight again). What made the difference? I’ve thought about that quite a bit lately - as the combination of an injury and holiday junk caused the blip of five pounds.
It wasn’t until I read a recent blog post by John Reese that it became perfectly clear why and how I lost the weight. I realized, that this single secret was responsible for almost everything I have accomplished in life - which by my own standards, and according to many others is quite a bit. I have been an eagle scout, an exchange student, a lawyer, a comedian (not two things you often see together - but see Bob Battle, Esq live at a comedy club someday) an interrogator, an adviser to political candidates, a teacher, and a speaker, I have built companies, served on the board of directors of banks and technology companies, raised a family, written books, lived in many countries, learned languages, painted, created blogs, helped to build houses for those less fortunate, chaired a community foundation, etc… And, when it comes down to it I did all of those things in the same way - a bit at a time.
I made a decision, and then I did something everyday to make them happen. It was only when I stopped putting off the needed actions that I actually lost the weight. As John Reese says, “you cannot lose thirty pounds without losing one pound.” I built wealth by saving a little bit everyday. I lost weight by eating less and exercising more everyday. I build companies, charities, and my practice by doing some marketing, some development and some work on each and every day.
Everyday? Well, almost. I have also learned that two other things are important to remember. You need restoration. See the Google course by Tony Schwartz below. The other thing that I have learned is forgiveness. Use the rhythms of each day and make sure that you get restorative breaks. Forgive yourself when you fail and forgive others if only for yourself, but do something everyday.
Don’t know what to do? get clarity about what you want. Once I decided how I wanted to look and feel, it became clear. I have to eat a certain way, eat at certain times, commit to exercising in some way EVERYDAY, to drink more water, to listen to cds and read articles that inspire me and support me. And, when I do it everyday, it took a while but it starts to work. Every time. It worked to help me to create and build wealth, spirituality, business success, and to write books, speeches, and on and on.
It is really clear to me. Skeptical or excited? Read another person’s experience too. John Reese is a smart cookie.
So, decide what you want (with clarity), figure out what to do (little things and big things), set aside the time (actually put it on your calendar and to do list), and do something everyday. Let me know what happens.
David M. Frees III
http://www.twitter.com/davefrees
David M Frees on facebook
All of my best wishes for a healthy, happy and propsperous holiday season and 2009. Be well and if you are facing challenges remember that this too shall pass. Do whatever you can for others les fortunate and enjoy life and being with those around you. David Frees and Family
Metacognition is the ability to know about yourself and how you learn and accomplish things. The last post was addressing an issue of metacognition and how you become aware of your own process in your personal life - experiencing and improving relationships around the holidays while altering and enjoying your life.
But I know that no entreprenuer will leave life alone. We have dreams for ourself and others and we have to get stuff done. So what am I to do if Dave keeps publishing on metacognition? Well, first keep reading. There are very good reasons to learn the meaning of metacognition and how it can be applied to constructing a better life and a better business.
And, when you discover the ability to know yourself and how you learn and improve, and you combine this knowledge with the 80/20 rule, you can begin to get more done in less time, and make more money and create more change for the better than your previously thought possible.
Want another experiment that can really improve your life and your business? This one is tough. Seriously. I’m not sure that you can handle this. As the label to Arrogant Bastard Beer says - “You’re probably moving your lips as you read this.” If you are, be careful. This experiment can change you and it is not for the weak minded fool at all. Tim Ferris describes his experiences with this experiment and how it worked for him at The Four Hour Work Week.
Essentially, the theory is that words and language and how we speak to ourselves and others help to create our reality. When we complain and use negative expressions to ourselves and others, we create a series of electrochemical reactions within our bodies that release neuro transmitters associate with certain feelings, emotions and sensations. Don’t think so? Just think of a word that really ticks you off or outrages you - you lnow the one. Notice any change in how you feel? Are you more or less resourceful and in control and aware now?
Also, when we use vague words that lack real meaning, such as “happiness” or “success” or “fun”, we get very little in the way of true deep experience. As Ludwig Wittgenstein once said, “The limits of my language are the limits of my world.” I mean what are you really feeling? Happy or awesome delight or exstatic? Are they the same as happiness? Do those words create the same experience for you?
But, we have to become aware of how and when we complain or how and when we are using language in a vague and whimpy way before we can change and discover a happier and more robust life experience and before we can really do anything about it. That is, we have to be conscious before we can change the behavior. So how do you do that?
Will Bowen, a minister from Kansas created a program called Complaint Free World. He wrote a book and put together a kit including a purple braclet so that each time you found yourself complaining, you have to move the braclet to the other arm. The point is to try to go thirty (or in his program 21 days) days without having to move the braclet. Try it - you can get his kit or use a purple (or green or red) rubber band or your live strong braclet or whatever. It’s hard - really hard. But the hard work pays off.
When you complain less, and choose words to describe your life, feelings and emotions that are clear and full and rich, your thoughts do change. Words creat sensations within us. And when we complain less there is very good evidence that we become more effective and enjoy life more fully. We creat a new electro chemical reality within our brains and our bodies that serves us.
Try it. decide what you want to change and why. The become aware of what you are doing and how you can change it. Do this for your business and your personal life.
I know that what follows is a little out of the ordinary. Where are the business strategies and tactics that work? I have plenty for you between now and the end of the year. But for now…. Well……
Have you ever had the experience of enjoying something so much that time just flew by - that time didn’t even seem to exist? The event, the sensation, the experience ended and only then did you realize that time was suspended and you seemed to have been outside of time. That you had no sense of time. It might have been a minuet or an hour but it seemed to go by in the blink of an eye.
Have you had the other experience - where each tick of the second hand seemed like an eternity? Did you ever watch the clock in school and the last two minuets seemed like hours?
Well if the passage of time and how we experience it is not absolute, is it possible to enjoy each moment without judging it just by being there? And, what would life be like if the good times seemed to last forever and the bad stuff flew by?
If you are like me, and like many entrepreneurs, there is a tendency, even during the down times of the holidays to be somewhere else. To be thinking and planning and doing but not really being there with those around you. This time of year is particularly difficult for me because I take my clients’ very seriously and there are many end of year deadlines, projects, and needs.
But, for our sanity and for the sake of our friends, families, and loved ones we need to be there, in the moment. And, we need to be awake to the experience. And surprisingly, there may even be a business blessing that just arises from our new skill of being present.
Around the holidays, it is easy to let the “robot” take over. Family members “push our buttons” and we react to experiences not based on choice in the moment but out of long ago established patterns. We eat when we aren’t hungry, we watch television instead of reading something that we’d just love to read, and we have the same conversations over and over again.
So how do we wake up, be there, and enjoy the holidays and discover the blessings of this new skill?
Now many people will argue about this, but I ask myself a few questions. When things start to happen I ask, “What’s new about this?” How can I respond to this rather than just reacting? What about this fascinates me? Have I ever done this crazy thing myself? And, if I did, why did I do it?
I also like: Can I think of any positive reason that I (or another) might be doing this? How can I enjoy this? Am I breathing deeply and in a relaxing way? Se my earlier post on the four fold breath which is a killer application during the holidays season with all of it’s pressures.
Well, many people will say - are you really there in the moment if you’re asking yourself questions? Perhaps not fully, but you are learning that you have a range of responses to each moment, day, situation, person and challenge. You’re learning to pause and notice the space between cause and effect where you have choice and that is powerful. You are looking at the world and your place within it in new ways.
I mean if you want to be a great golfer you don’t just show up at the PGA and tell them that you’re ready for the tour. There are some preliminaries, some exercises and some practice.
Now there is a tendency to say “I don’t have time for the holidays,” or “I need to get some work done.” But you may need to do this work. Choose to work on yourself. Enjoy the time with those around you. Really disconnect from the unimportant and connect with what matters. Reconnect. You may be a better person and a better business person for it.
And finally, while you’re at it, there are many who are not as lucky as we are. Find some way to give to others. Directly - get those groceries for an elderly person or shovel their sidewalk. Or, indirectly, by making a gift of money or sending a package to a soldier in Iraq or Afghanistan. Do something that you would not ordinarily even consider doing. This is an experiment. Notice how you feel.
And, as for regrets (which also surface around the holidays) this feeling of regret is expending energy and emotion on something in the past, which you cannot change. You can only do the right thing right now. Forget about worrying about the future (that’s just energy on another thing that you cannot control). Forget about regret. Just be here and now with the people who are here right now.
Have a safe and happy holiday. Remember to breath deeply and ask new questions. The choice of how it works out is yours and mine - moment by moment.
Want one technique that works every time to break down fear and opposition in others while at the same time making you wiser, more powerful, and happier? A technique that can make you a better parent, spouse, partner, and business giant?
Want to know how you can change the biochemistry of others to make you more persuasive in a way that helps you and the other person and at the same time makes your relationships better and stronger?
How would it feel to approach opposition from a position of confidence and certainty?
Are there really six words that can start to change everything in my life? That seems impossible…isn’t it?
I’ve been speaking on the topic of enhanced communications for over ten years now and I have been writing about and researching the topic for decades. Audience members have included people from all walks of life, colleges and universities and many fortune five hundred companies.
I’ve developed and used my communications, persuasion, and negotiating skills as a speaker, a lawyer, an interrogator, a cross examiner and a counselor.
I have come to the conclusion, through all of this, that very few skills have the ability to enhance so many other skill sets and so many areas of your life as improved communications skills.
Think about it. when you are a better and more effective communicator you become more persuasive. You’re a better negotiator. You are a stronger and better leader. You become a better partner, spouse, parent, leader or manager.
So focusing some attention on discovering how the best communicators achieve and use these skills can produce a huge return on investment in both your business and personal life.
This blog will be focusing on the skills, strategies, tactics and tools of the great communicators. I’m not just going to tell you what they do but specifically how to do it.
I guarantee that you’ll soon begin to notice improvements in many areas of your life.
And, I will be focusing on the big strategic picture and the tactics. Each video will teach a specific and usable lesson. I’ll still be keeping you posted on marketing, self improvement, life and mind hacks too.
But to get started, I wanted to comment on and answer a number of questions that I have been receiving about the six word question that can change everything. Curious? Good. It’s working already isn’t it?
If you want to know more click below. If you want to get these skills, tricks and hacks as I publish them sign up for the RSS feed on the right side of the page to get an email whenever I post. And, if you want to get more little tid bits follow me on Facebook and Twitter.
Your comments are always welcomed below and I’ll begin to shape the information you get by listening to your comments. Enjoy!
There is a link below for a video that Eben Pagan did to promote his Get Altitude program that could be worth thousands to tens of thousands of dollars to any level of business person.
Now, before you run away, one of Eben’s practices is to provide some his best knowledge and information up front and for free to prove that he has the chops and that his products and services are really worth the money. So, If you are looking for ways to build an on line or traditional business this is just filled with ideas and information. I have never been disappointed with any of his teaching or sales videos.
In fact, I pay the guy a good bit of money each year to coach and teach me so that I can deliver more to my clients and customers and make myself so valuable, that they want to stay around and to buy from me again and again - because it is beneficial to them.
I’m not going to risk that by sending you bad stuff. And, the process that he uses is slick, effective and very smart. Duplicate that too. The link takes you to “teaser” video and an opt in page. Once you watch the intro video, if you sign up you get some of the best most thorough and comprehensive business building information in one place. And, he has really done it. He has built a business from a home based operation to over twenty million in annual sales.
Enjoy and pay attention to how this opt in works. It’s quite brilliant in and of itself. Dave Frees
Seth Godin’s new book Tribes examines the new direction of successful marketing. Seth’s theory is that the internet has facilitated the formation of new types of tribes, associations, social groups and there is a shortage of trusted leaders. This allows us as experts to build a community that we can really benefit and for whom we can build real value and who in exchange trust us. The free link to the talk is down below and the affiliate link for the book is here.
Learn more about how to use this ancient and yet new tribal formation to build your own tribe.
Godin’s powerful and funny speech on this topic is posted on John Wall’s “Marketing Over Coffee” podcast. Check it out but it’s long. Give yourself a little while to listen and keep asking yourself: How do I use this to help others and myself? Notice the difference between a crowd and a tribe.
It is more difficult to form a tribe than to draw a crowd, but it is way more powerful. Less expensive to build and grows organically. See The Grateful Dead (pre-internet), Barack Obama (new paradigm) and others who understand this paradigm.
Here is a shameless plug for a few more books that I’ve mentioned lately. Enjoy and Be well.
If you currently use twitter to communicate with customers, clients, or prospects you have got to see this. My son Josh just let me know about it and I’m not done testing but it is hugely powerful. I’ll keep you posted as I test but you might want to be ahead of the wave on this.
If you’re even thinking about using Twitter then go check this out.
The folks at drop.io have created a very powerful tool. I’m going to describe it in the video below
and the url is below that.
Essentially, this allows you to create a tool and to automatically push pictures, video,
documents, and even a telephone call or conference call through to all of your
Twitter followers.
On the road and want to record a message - just call it and the link gets sent out so everyone
can hear the call. Get the idea. If you’re not thinking of thirty ways that you can use this, then you’re
not thinking hard enough yet.
David Frees • 
2:11 am • 
